I missed writing about the first episode this season, which had a lot of barn burners, let’s see who shows up to night two of the blind auditions.
Keisha - “I Can’t Stop Loving You.” Black country artist, Nikki Minaj’s background singer, lost 200 pounds, has an adorable little girl flirting with Carson, she has too much good story not to get on the show. Also, she’s the first artist on the episode, the first one always gets chosen. Four chair turnaround. Jennifer throws something at her, which seems to be her thing. All the black artists understand this throwing things at you thing, so apparently, Jennifer is letting a cat out of the bag and the white people all know now that if you’re singing and a shoe comes flying through the air at you, it means you’re extra good. She chooses Blake.
In the post-commercial under the bleachers chat, Miley comes out in a cowboy outfit and then brings out her dad. She wants country artists.
Dylan - “Say You Won’t Let Go.” Tiny little mumbly voice for this show, but it’s gets bigger as he goes on. He has no video package beforehand, so Dylan is an utter mystery to us, except that he’s a cute, nerdy-looking white guy with sticky-out ears. Adam and Jennifer turn around. Jennifer tells him to sing it half a step higher, and it’s instantly better, then she tells him to use his head voice on the upper notes. I’m pretty sure that Adam hasn’t got a chance. Jennifer is insanely good at this. Adam tried to sell him with, I also am a dude and sing in falsetto all the time, but does it work? It does! He chooses Adam because he is a Maroon 5 fan. This is now the one thing we know about Dylan.
Maharasyi - “Tell Me Something Good.” From LA but from an Indonesian family. Her aunt is the a Whitney Houston of Indonesia, she recorded in Indonesia, but now she’s back in the states with her family, starting over as a wedding singer. Everyone sings along with her, and it looked for awhile like that was all that would happen, until finally Jennifer turned around, then Miley. Maharasyi, beforehand, said she wanted Miley. But then Jennifer starts her coaching before being chosen thing again, and got her to re-do the final note at full voice. I am not under the impression that she got it all that well, but everyone is caught up in the moment and act like she nailed it. She chooses Jennifer.
Marlo - “Love Me Now.” 61 years old, son of a Motown legend, Carson calls him 61 years young, and seriously, shut up, Carson. He spent his whole life not singing until a couple of years ago. If he gets on a team, he’ll be the oldest person in the history of The Voice. The world is pulling for him, they better not give us this guy and have nobody pick him. And they aren’t turning around. Bastards. I hate all of them. They all kind of wanted to turn around but none of them were sure. I don’t care. They are all loathsome. There has to be a commercial so that there is enough time to forgive them.
Red - “Swingin’.” He claims to be country as cornbread, and doesn’t seem to be mistaken. He was a demo singer in Nashville for a long time, but now he has a handyman company. Miley wants a country singer. I wonder how fast she’ll turn around. Not fast at all. She’s waiting for Blake, which is dumb. I would have turned around by now. Finally Blake turns and so does Miley. If you are going to be such a chickenshit, Miley, you aren’t getting anyone by being slow. Adam says he would have turned around, but he’s no dummy. Red hugs him anyway. Red tells the story of the first time he met Blake, Adam wonders if everyone in the south knows each other. Miley keeps trying to get him, Blake gives him that look and says, “Let’s do what’s raht,” and that’s the big guns. People always go with Blake when he pulls that one out.
Ashland - “You Are My Sunshine.” Another country singer. Have they saved her for last because she is the country singer who will choose Miley? Blake turns around barely before the end of the first phrase, then Adam and Miley right after. Miley is pulling out every stop. Adam is begging, Ashland has an expression like, “Thank you so much for trying, honey!” She goes with Miley, who loses her mind. Miley keeps calling herself the queen of country music, but I can think of a few people named Reba and Dolly and Loretta who might have a thing to say about that. I guess she means on this show she’s the queen, because Jennifer and Adam sure aren’t