Live Top 12 Performances
Okay, now we are into the boring part of the show. Everyone sings, the coaches do nothing but compliment them, they complain that they were stupid if the singer used to be on their team, they complain that they wanted them in the blinds but couldn’t get them, America votes, the end. For like two months. Quel dull. At least we get to see them in different outfits every week, except for Blake, who always wears the same thing anyway.
Miley comes out carrying her purse like she’s somebody’s mom, except that most moms wouldn’t be wearing that strapless tiger-striped gold lamè number. Why is she carrying a purse? Does she think she’ll need her wallet during the show? Actually, I’ll bet it’s to hold her phone because all of the coaches tweet during the commercial breaks. But still.
Okay, the theme of this episode is dedications. First is Brooke, Team Miley, she’s singing “Praying” and dedicating it to America. Which has a lot of layers, considering that she is Native American. It’s good, but I’m not that interested.
What are all these tiny little bullshit tattoos on the inside of Miley’s arms? They look like she has been scribbled on by a toddler.
Next is Red, Team Blake, love him. Blake asked him how he was doing, and I think he answered “Hanging in there like a hair on a biscuit,” but I could have been wrong. He’s singing “Church of Cumberland Road,” which is very bluegrass-y and I love it. He dedicates it to his father, because he taught him to play the guitar and sing. Blake makes about twelve Sexiest Man Alive jokes.
Shi’an, Team Jennifer, whom I still resent for being picked over Chris, is singing “Vision of Love” and dedicating it to Jennifer, who is being awesome and motherly to Shi’an. It reminds me of the relationship between Alicia and Wé last season, which was so sweet. Shi’an is amazing and has a gorgeous voice, but as I have said a million times, she doesn’t have to sing every note that exists every five seconds.
John, Team Adam, is singing “Why I Love You,” and dedicating it to Des Moines and to his church. Very beautiful. Jennifer is holding her shoe in her hand at the end. She didn’t throw it, probably because the shoe is huge and she didn’t want to brain him. “Tragedy struck The Voice this evening, when a contestant sang especially well, and thus was accidentally bludgeoned to death by Academy Award winner Jennifer Hudson.”
Ashland, Team Miley, probably my least favourite singer on the show, but she’s the first person to sing a song that I know and love, “Delta Dawn,” so can’t hope she gets kicked off this week! She’s dedicating it to her parents. They styled her to look like Loretta Lynn or Barbara Mandrell, which is perfect. And she just hit a clunker so clunky that I will be shocked if nobody mentions it, but this is the lives and it’s All Compliments All the Time. This is the nice show, and I’m glad it’s the nice show, but that was F-L-A-T.
Adam, Team Adam, “Against the Odds” by Phil Collins, (and dedicating it to his family), which Contestant Adam thought possibly wasn’t the greatest idea in the world, but Coach Adam talked him into it, and I’ve gotta tell you, it’s a great idea, he’s killing it, after a bobble at the beginning, that he recovered from right away. The coaches had to mention that, they couldn’t ignore it like Ashland’s clunker above, but they all instantly complimented him on how he just kept going and recovered instantly.
Chloe, Team Blake, who has the highest charting song from the Knockouts in the history of the voice, God only knows how. She’s singing “Thank You” by Dido, dedicating it to her boyfriend, and since most of the world thinks of this as being “Stan” by Eminem, it seems extremely peculiar to dedicate it to anyone. Eminem kind of stole this song. What is with this red eyeshadow? When her eyes are closed, it looks like they were ripped from their sockets.
My Davon! Team Jennifer, natch. He’s singing “Love on Top” and dedicating his song to Baltimore. He weeps during the rehearsal because he wants Jennifer to be proud of him. WE ARE ALL PROUD OF YOU, DAVON!! Adam throws his shoe, which Davon catches, then Jennifer throws her shoe and it ends up in the pit, hopefully all of the camera operators down there are yet safe and uninjured. They are going to have to start putting a net around Jennifer like she is a golf course.
And now my girl Addison, Team Adam, singing “She Used to be Mine,” dedicated to her mom. This is a song by Sara Bareilles, and at the very end of the song she sings the words “baked in a beautiful pie,” and my ears pricked right up and I went to Google. A Sara Bareilles song that mentions pie can only be from Waitress! And I was right! It was gorgeous.
Keisha, Team Blake, is singing “Midnight Train to Georgia,” so hey! Another song I know tonight! Hooray for old people songs! She’s dedicating it to her mom. They’re countrifying it all over the place; I never pictured “Midnight Train to Georgia” with a banjo before!
My third team member, Noah, Team Jennifer. I love these small town kids telling how proud their towns are of them. Noah’s local ice cream parlor created a flavour for him, so cute! Except that it’s mac and cheese ice cream with noodles in it and that’s super gross. Don’t know if that’s a compliment, Noah! He’s doing “Speed of Sound,” and he arranged and produced the backing track because Noah is an overachiever. He’s Li’l Sufjan Stevens. He is dedicating the song to all the other dreamers out there and I’m fainting from the adorableness.
Janice, Team Miley, singing “The Story,” dedicating it to her husband. Blake throws a cowboy boot, Jennifer throws her killer shoe. Miley keeps her shoes on, but says it’s her favourite performance of the night.
I voted for my top three, of course, Davon, Addison and Noah, because they are Team Kymm, but then also Red, because he was sooper awesome. If I was going to vote someone off, I’d say Ashland, “Delta Dawn” or no.